If it weren’t for pain, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with yoga. In 2012, I was suffering from 20 migraines a month and I was mentally and physically spiraling out of control. My neurologist urged me to do yoga. What I didn’t know, was yoga would change my life. Yoga became a coping mechanism for me physically, and I found the meditative benefits valuable too. As a chronic pain sufferer, I was stuck in the “tension causes pain, pain causes tension loop”, and yoga slowly began to break that cycle.
Just when I was really enjoying my practice, I took a hit. I tore my TFCC, a ligament in my wrist, doing firefly. I knew it when it happened. I “limped” along for a year and eventually it hurt too much to practice at all (I wasn’t shown alternate poses or modifications), so I just stopped going. I began to suffer for it too and I shut down.
About a year after my injury I felt called back to yoga. A strong urge. I heard a YTT program was coming to my studio and I wanted to toss myself into the fire. I wanted to be the phoenix that rises from the ashes. I wanted to be the sword that gets forged in the fire, but first I needed wrist surgery.
I did learn a valuable lesson post surgery though and it was: honor your body, have patience, and all comes in time. I couldn’t do down dog for months; I did dolphin. It took even longer for plank on my knees. I felt there was so little that I could do and I was often bitter and frustrated. I learned that modifications can be a valuable tool. I feel that I have a better understanding of chronic pain sufferers and those who need modifications and assists, because I’ve been there.
In 2016, I felt called again- this time to walk a slightly different path. I’m now a student once more! This time, I’m learning Ashtanga and I’m determined to go to INDIA!!
This is me, raw and unedited. Stripped of all inhibitions.